Screaming mad

Well another failure morning at work with my daughter! Again I ended up bawling with her in my office, only this time I felt so distress that I couldn't hide it from my work mates (or my son who saw me later with more tears in my eyes and asked his usual question "Mum, are you happy, sad or grumpy?" "What do you think!" I declared back. Sorry son.) Work mates were lovely and took my daughter for a while so I could get some work done. In the end I did bite the bullet and talk to my boss and they want to help so have given me the weekend to come up some options to make it work. Our thinking caps on and we have a couple ideas.

At times I envy my mums generation that were able to stay at home and focus on their kids, doing the hardest job but the most rewarding and being able to give it 100% guilt free of most financial pressures.
Never mind we will work it out and I will try to control the tears and push through with a brave face, bring on Monday.
On a high note enjoyed Miranda the other night "plunge" is my new favourite word and my son thinks its so funny, not sure if its me or the sound of the word.

Going Mad!

Well I had a very frustrating day last week (thank God there was no chocolate in the building!) trying to work with a baby! I spent 4 hours trying to get work done with an over-tired screaming baby.  Would she happily go to sleep in her little crib? No! Would she sit in her bouncer and play? No! She wouldn't even go to sleep in my arms... NO!

I had to try and work the computer with one hand and do my best to settle the baby with the other and all the while smile at my work mates convery that 'oh dear' look, don't worry all is ok.  I just shut my office door and and went through 3 stages of pulling out my hair. First came soothing - "it's ok darling, you are just so tired, close you eyes and dream sweet dreams." Then the begging of stage 2 - "please just go to sleep, mummy will do anything, give you anything, please mummy really needs to work. Pretty please." Of course this included tears. Then followed stage 3 which consisted of 2 elements - frustration and anger! "Come on DARLING, sleep now, mum is going mental and needs chocolate." This once again included tears, a torrent of frustrated tears.
So with only a portion of work complete and an evening at home before me to finish the rest, i collected my son and went home where finally she fell asleep, poor baby. I then decided to have a poor me cry but my son found me and he (being a sensitive child) burst into tears to crying "whats wrong mum? Are you happy, sad or grumpy? It'll be ok!" You just have to love em.

I guess i dreamt that work and baby would be a bit easier. I knew it wasn't going to be a breeze but this might do my head in.

Now my daughter is also 3 months old now and she has a lot of hair and i mean alot! She was famous in the hospital and nurses and complete strangers would come in just to see her hair. Now everywhere we go people stare and discuss how much hair she has. At first it was fine and even sweet and nice to get such attention but now i am a little over it.  I even feel like putting up a sign - YES SHE HAS ALOT OF HAIR I KNOW. YES SHE WAS BORN WITH IT AND NO I DIDN'T GET HEARTBURN! Now I know everyone is being lovely and interested in my baby, but really somedays its just hard to smile and nodd.

She also has beautiful eyes and a delightful smile - I'm just saying its not all about the hair!

Getting it right...

Just finished playing a game of hide and seek with my son, I thought I knew the basics of the game but apparently I did it wrong. After the designated time of waiting, I went in search of him and when I finally found him he burst into tears! "You did it all wrong mum!" He finally gets out between sobs. "What did I do wrong?" I ask. He tries to explain but I'm still not sure what, somehow I didn't do it quite the same as last week!

Now onto my daughter, why do we as parents always put pressure on ourselves to make sure our babies are meeting their milestones. Even if in our hearts we know it doesn't really matter and that rolling over or lifting their heads up will happen and when they are ready - they don't really care, just feed me, wind me and give me love - somehow in the back of our minds is "now come on darling, you should be doing this" "I wonder if I'm doing something wrong or if something is wrong with them?" "look at what their baby can do already."  Well at least that happens to me sometimes, just a little anyway, no matter how much I try to not worry somedays I just do.
Deep down I'm just happy she is happy and healthy and milestones are just not as important.

Just like Mum

Kids learn from us, copy everything we do and say, most of the time it's cute and clever and we are oh so proud, and then there are the funny times. Currently my 3 year old has decided that he wants a baby just like mum and so his favourite buzzy bee soft toy has been chosen as "my baby".  He carries it around under his arm everywhere he goes, unless that is 'baby bee' is having a sleep and all tucked in his bed. He talks to it in a soft baby voice- "it's ok little one, you are ok." "You are so cute." "I love you." And many more soothing things he has picked up.  If he has to go anywhere or leave him for any reason then he explains to 'baby bee' what or where he is going.  He has even pretended to breast feed the bee! Clothes on of course.

Then there are the things we wish they hadn't heard and copied - like "oh s**t, I forgot my drink!" We had to sit down and explain this was not a nice word and we don't use it in this house, accusing glances between my husband and I followed.

Still going ok with health kick on day three and even managed to fit another 20 workout in.  I got so excited I jumped on the scales but the dial hasn't changed, in fact I think I've gained! No, I won't be put off - onward and upward (well downward I hope) I say.

Testing Mum

So on my first health day, my daughter (knowing my habit of eating when she cries) decides to sleep only for half hour periods at a time and then scream the house down. I did my best but she was pushing my weakness to eat and find some sort of peace for that split second.  I did pretty well until I discovered the chocolate mini magnums in the freezer and so I will confess that I ate one!
So I ask my husband, "why are there ice creams in the freezer, when you know I'm trying to be good and I need help because I will cave easily." "Oh" he says "I thought I tried to hide those from you."  Now you can't hide chocolate from me and thats a fact, I'm a blood hound, its true - I will find it. In fact I sure I hear it calling me sometimes.
So not the best first day but on I press, positive attitude intact.

So finally at the end of the day, my daughter is having one of her 30 minute naps and my son is happily playing in his room, tea is on, washing done, lunches packed (without my usual taste testing) for tomorrow, so I take a moment and stick on a workout dvd and do a 20 minute routine. Great, feeling good!  Heading to the shower, check on baby, still sleeping for now and then peek into my sons room - oh crap!  He has taken everything in his bedroom and put it on the floor, he thinks its great, all smiles and excited chatting, I just take a deep breath smile back and pretend not to see it - later, I will deal with it later, maybe I should just shut the door and forget about that room altogether, my son doesn't need his own room right?

Food for thought

Just a note but it wasn't the best idea to start a health kick in the weekend! Husband goes food shopping and brings home snacks that are yum! So I promise to start tomorrow, no, I mean it I will. The other thing I am going to struggle with and that drives me mad is that my daughter doesn't sleep well during the day and I each time she cries I find myself in the kitchen and my hand in the cookie jar. Now I know what you are saying, reach for a piece of fruit, well I would but they cause my daughter to get an upset stomach!

So not only can I not eat the fruit I love but I have to change my habit of food grabbing when she cries, maybe clean or sit-ups might work.

The other thing that is crazy is my 3 year old - he is so funny, "mum you are my best friend I don't want to go to Grandmas, can't I stay home with you?" Then comes lots of, you love it at Grandmas, you will have a great time etc from me. So eventually you go.
Hours later you arrive home in tears, oh no I think I should have kept you home for a mummy day.
"What's wrong darling", I ask, "I want to stay at Grandmas, I don't want to come home." You sob. Oh for goodness sake! It then takes half an hour to convince you that its fun to be home and that you love it here. You can't win with kids, they change their minds to suit the occasion - how are parents to keep up - madness, wheres the chocolate?

Facing the scales

Well my baby is 11 weeks today so I decided to face the scales and see what the real damage was. I mean I knew it was going to be bad as I still wearing my maternity clothes and when I did attempt to try on my pre-pregancy jeans I couldn't get them up above my knees!

So on I hopped (trying to be as light as possible) as I glanced slowly down I got the shock of my life, it was bad. Why me, why me I proclaimed, others have a baby and look back to normal a week later, I look like I'm still with child but she is now spread over my entire body instead of just concentrated in one area, in fact not one but 2 babies!
But then I remember the months of no exercise and eating whatever my heart desired (mainly chocolate) so really there is no one to blame but myself and my lack of self control.

Right no more moaning about the state of myself, I need to get heathly again and more importantly fit into my skinny jeans.

This brings me to my next mad problem, fitting exercise in, work, 2 kids and a house to run. What fun challenge I now have ahead of me.